Monthly Archive

This is an excerpt from an email I wrote to my good friend Gail on May 10 (minus the kids’ names). I meant to turn it into an essay for Mother’s Day, but this as far as I’m getting with it for now.  Consider it a (very) rough first draft. Or a couple of related vignettes that are tied together by something big that I need to think about more.

—–

I was just folding laundry and sitting here thinking about writing about living my life in service to my kids.  Not that today was all that unique, it just occurred to me that I seriously did nothing but meet the demands of my children all
afternoon and evening today.  I did nothing else.  Many times, the tasks even overlapped so that I was holding off meeting one demand while finishing meeting another.

I went from getting juice to setting up the sprinkler, to digging up swimsuits to putting on sunscreen (and trying to convince toddler to put on sunscreen) to putting clothes back on toddler and preparing a snack to taking the clothes back off and then putting the suit back on toddler to getting towels out to putting clothes back on toddler to bringing toddler out to the car to go pick up teenager from school to putting the swimsuit back on to pushing the kids in the swings to making dinner to changing a diaper while my food got cold to throwing the kids back outside.  Then I had a few moments of peace (folding laundry) before being the mean mom who made them clean up outsuide and come in and have an ice cream cone while they all competed to get my attention and got all mad and huffy if they didn’t get to tell their unintelligible joke that no one gets and isn’t funny because it was made up on the spot by a four year old.

I was having digestive issues and got toddler ready for bed while I sat on the can.  Of course, then preteen walked away from preschooler to get something and preschooler had a fit because she was ALONE. I still managed to read stories, getting interrupted on every page to discuss which characters were people from our family in the book and to watch preschooler enact her favorite part.  We sang songs and they poked each other and I told preschooler to go lie down in her bed and then toddler and I snuggled and he petted my face and my ear and my hair and fell asleep holding my hand and looking like such an angel and not like a monster that can make you change its clothes seven times a day.

—–(end of email)

I spent Mother’s Day at my Mom and Dad’s house.  My mom was at the hospital, to be with my dad, who is recovering from major surgery that happened May 1. I mowed the grass and picked up some extra dog food (their dog is staying with us while my dad recovers) and decided to pick up some purple petunias and plant them in some of my mom’s pots.  House and garden projects are at a standstill for my folks.  Life is at a standstill.  They are in an alternate universe, otherwise known as “fighting cancer.” I was excited to see a week’s worth of dirty dishes in the sink, because I knew I could help out by washing them. 

I thought about how my mom has been in the trenches of caregiving with toddlers and teenagers, and how she’s in the trenches now with my dad. 

I spent some time last night looking at work by Julie Blackmon.  Particularly her series, Domestic Vacations.

I will definitely be going back to look some more.  The thing that grabbed me last night was the backdrop of her home. Clean, sharp, antique, stylized.  The house creates a playful, almost cartoon-like setting. 

Fantasy.  Juxtaposed with the reality of family members as subjects.  Or as characters… 

Why is it that I start writing in fragments when I look at stuff about which I want to have clear thoughts?

May 2, 2007

May 1, 2007

April 31, 2007

April 30, 2007

A big thanks to Laurie for pointing me toward the photography of Dona Schwartz.  Her project, In the Kitchen focuses on the kitchen as a center of family life.  She even used the phrase “place of physical and emotional sustenance,” which I have word for word sitting in a post that didn’t quite get published.

I was concerned as my family members have been lacking (except in Bedtime Snack) thus far in my images.   And now that I’ve taken a look at Schwartz’s pictures I’m even more aware of it.  Her family provides the color and action.  My images are more background-ish.  The aftermath of the gathering. 

Her kids are older as well, which creates a different dynamic altogether.

Quite honestly, I’m so busy dishing and cutting up food for toddlers, pouring milk,  buttering the bread, blowing the steam off the hot food, grabbing extra spoons to stir in the chocolate syrup and then trying to stuff my own face at meals that I hardly even think about taking a photo during a mealtime.  A great deal of the non-mealtime action does happen when I’m not there to witness it.  Homework, art projects, playdough…

Weekday evenings, Sean is at work so I’m on my own from 3 pm through bedtime. I guess I’ve gotten used to it, but I still miss him and have a hard time getting motivated to make supper sometimes because it just doesn’t quite feel official without him.

I’m torn about leaving him out of our family dinner shots.  There’s a laptop computer situated at his spot most of the week.  I guess leaving the rest of my family out evens the score somehow.  Documented is the the evidence of our presence.