(Written in November)
This post has been painfully slow in coming. I think I’ve been waiting to get some perspective. Maybe I just don’t know where to begin. Especially since my most recent posts (months ago!) are so full of hope about making money using my artistic talent.
I live my life with absolute certainty that I will have very colorful chapters in my memoirs.
Photo business plans are officially relegated to the back burner because I need an actual regular paycheck to keep us afloat. (As if we were floating. We’ve been sinking slowly for a long long time.) So, I started a full time job on October 22.
At an egg farm.
When we moved from St. Paul’s notorious East Side to rural Minnesota five years ago, I went from full time working mom in the ’hood to stay at home mom in the country. Needless to say I experienced a bit of culture shock. (Okay, I guess we still hear gunshots, but at least they’re not directed at people.) Within the first five minutes of conversation you have with anyone you’re meeting for the first time out here, the subject of which church you attend comes up. Our kids see cows every day on the bus ride to school. It always takes the same amount of time to drive anywhere, no matter what time of day. The only thing that will slow you down is a giant tractor, usually towing a trailer full of enormous round bales of something.
These aren’t judgments one way or another. It’s just a very different lifestyle. I knew that eventually I would go back to working, and I even guessed that it might be hard to find a job close to home. I never guessed that I would be working as an administrative assistant at an egg farm.
My great grandparents and grandparents owned a hatchery. I’m suddenlyaware of the “come full circle”ness of the chicken/egg industry in my family’s history.
And it’s actually a very good job. I start work at 6 AM, which means that I get up and get ready to go before anyone else is awake and demanding anything. The commute takes about 15 minutes. I work in a newly remodeled office with windows, there’s a fridge stocked with pop and water, and my hours put me at home before my kids get off the bus. The pay is decent and the benefits are great.
I’ve resisted getting a full time job for all sorts of reasons, the biggest of which is that I’ve spent about thirteen years reconciling my role as a mother and I’ve finally gotten to a place where I actually really enjoyed my life. Well, that and I’m scared that I’m not actually skilled enough to be useful out in the workforce. Why do you think I chose to work part time as a lunch lady? Maybe because it was such a ’safe’ and ‘easy’ job.
I’ve been making a huge, conscious effort in my spiritual life that is too big to describe using words. And here I am, listing this as ‘number three’ as if it’s something separate from our financial crisis and my journey back into full-time employment. It’s all hopelessly connected.
Even though I grew up in the city, I always felt drawn to the country. I remember visiting my great-grandparents’ farm (which is less than 10 miles from where I live now) and playing the old piano in the barn and being shown the trees that had been torn and twisted by a tornado.
The day the farm went to auction my sisters and my cousin and I played all day in the field, building cornstalk forts and making up secret signals by tossing dried ears of corn into the air.
I’ll never forget the sound of my footsteps and the sight of my breath in the cold air and the hot tears that sliced down my cheeks as I realized it would be my last time playing out in the field at grandma’s. I was probably eight years old.
I’m not sure what possessed me to start altering this picture, adding a sepia tone and fiddling with the gamma and contrast. I like this sort of pop art version of it, too:
I love that her eyelashes are such a prominent feature of her profile.
Today it actually seems possible that I could get a photo business going.
The rhythm of daily life has been injected with a dose of school routine. By 7:35 AM, my middle-school-aged kids were hauled away on the bus. The amount of times I hear ”Can I play the computer?” or “Can I watch TV?” each day will officially decline by 95%.
I’ve also spent the past few weeks getting back on my own version of the Flylady bandwagon. I’m out to conquer CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) because I accepted a long time ago that it’s easier to be spontaneous and creative when the dishes are clean and the table is wiped and we have food to eat and clean clothes to wear. I’m sorry if this sounds a little too Donna Reed, but this morning I cleaned the kitchen, planned dinner, started the laundry, and took the little ones outside to play while I knitted on the deck.
A day’s worth of homemaking accomplished before noon. And now we get to the exciting part!
While the little ones were down for quiet time I sat down and pulled out the business materials I began creating in 2001.
I could barely wait for my slow internet connection to get me here fast enough to share the excitement I plan to build on.
I forgot how much I liked my logo:
I forgot that I had built a skeleton of a web site using FrontPage. Which sprouted from a tri-fold brochure complete with price lists and an artistic philosophy statement. The original fonts I used did not transfer, so I’ll have to do some tweaking on that and also look at prices and packages, now that I’m shooting in digital and won’t be offering custom black and white prints since my darkroom currently only exists in the form of dusty equipment sitting on a shelf.
I have letterhead and business card designs. I even have two silent auction certificates I had donated to my old high school which I can use as a starting point for coupons and ads and postcards.
Speaking of which, I am donating my time and graphic design skills for the PTA coupon book this fall, which means an opportunity to place a free coupon ad in the book coming out in November. Last time around, I put in an ad for Cady Home Inspection, but perhaps this time I’ll put one in for Sarah Cady Photographic Art instead.
This can’t even be described as a starting point. It’s more like a diving board!
The best part is feeling like this is all actually possible.
Possible for me to run a well-organized household.
Possible for me to make money making pictures.
Possible for me to write a blog post even when quiet time is over and everyone wants a snack.
Possible.
For the first time in twelve years of marriage, Sean is working normal hours: Monday through Friday, 8 AM to 4 PM. What a blessing for our family to have him home for supper every night! He will be able to attend school meetings and programs! People in the community might actually believe that I have a husband! We will be like a normal family!
Okay, maybe that’s pushing it.
Besides, it throws a major wrench in our employment configuration. Working opposite hours has been great for avoiding childcare costs. I did some calling to price out part time daycare for our toddler and preschooler, and it turns out I’d basically be working to pay for daycare.
So I’m hanging up the plastic apron.
I had a hard time with it the first couple of days after I made the decision. I’ll miss seeing the kids and drawing silly pictures on the menu board and telling cheesy food jokes. I also liked being the staff guitar player and bringing home leftovers. But I won’t miss the sweaty dishwashing or the repetitive complaining from my supervisor.
And I’m looking forward to being at home full time with my little ones again. Yes, the hours are grueling and it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, but it is definitely my comfort zone. I’ve spent a bunch of years making peace with the job description. It will also allow me to be home for the occasional business call for Cady Home Inspection and to perhaps pursue some portrait photography.
Hard to say what lies ahead. Lots of shifting, that’s for sure.
My close and wonderful friends M. and K. are about six weeks away from becoming a family of three. Last week, they let me document their beautiful baby belly, and these are a few of my favorites from a session that took about two hours. I had a fabulous time. It helped that they were patient and willing subjects.
It’s funny that I find it difficult to be verbal when I get into shooting. I don’t know how photographers can be chatty or even just communicate clearly while directing a photo session. My ability to speak coherently more or less evaporates when I’m in the photography zone. Must be a right brain/left brain thing.
The next day, M. called me with an idea and some encouragement. He thought that other couples, such as the ones they know through a birthing class, might be interested in the same type of photo shoot. He was willing to bring their photos along to their next class and give me a plug, but they do live 50+ miles away, so he encouraged me to think about advertising to couples going through classes at my local hospitals. It was a welcome vote of confidence.
I’ve spent the last few days browsing the web for photographers that offer similar services, to get an idea of what they are providing, and for how much.
I am looking at photographers who offer “on location” services. Most do the typical babies, children, and family, senior portraits. A few I’ve looked at: Kari Layland Photography, Kristi Eckrich, As Seen By Eileen. Interesting that I found Kari Layland because she volunteers her services for families with seriously ill children, and she did a photo session with a family I know who is battling leukemia. What a wonderful way to give a gift (and build a portfolio!).
I’ve toed this line before. I attempted to start a business in what I called “candid portraiture” about six years ago, when I was working for Herff Jones and had access to their lighting equipment and backdrops and a medium format camera. The idea was to make pictures that are similar to the ones I make of my kids all the time. Everyday moments, rather than formal posing. Simply follow around kids and capture what they’re up to while they enjoy the comfort and nuances of their daily environment.
The same things that held me back then hold me back now: laziness and self-doubt mixed ironically with an overinflated sense of artistic superiority.
I also found that I deplore the follow up process of getting photos touched up and ordered and printed. What if I offered a flat fee session and then handed over a disk and let them worry about altering their zits and getting prints made? I suppose there’s more money to made on the altering and mark up of prints. And that way, they will be high quality prints instead of Target prints. I guess it would be the excuse to finally master Photoshop.
I’m ready to abandon the artistic superiority. I can hardly keep that up when what I really need is to be making money to help support my family. What’s really in question here is my commitment to overcome laziness and self-doubt.
I think I need a cheering section to get me going. Lots of people telling me that it’s a worthwhile effort, that I can make beautiful pictures that people will want. I’ve always thrived on positive feedback and encouragement.
Anyone want to volunteer?
